NC to DC, see.

This last week was an interesting one, spent in Kill Devil Hills on the Outer Banks on North Carolina. Any time I spend a week in either end of the state I come back profoundly changed. I wasn't even expecting it this time either, but after talks about spirituality, philosophy and life on the beach at night, driving to the hospital at 3:30 am, a lively and sometimes tense car ride, and repeated encounters with a rottweiler named Guinness, I've come back molded into another shape once again.
I won't go into the details of the whole week, there are just way too many to be contained in a single post. But I'll post a couple of thoughts/decisions/insights that I've gleaned recently:
-I will never, ever, ever be perfect. Not even close. No one will be, and there could never be a perfectly utopian world. That's because concepts such as perfection and utopia imply that there's some sort of bar that needs to be reached; meaning that there's this mountain that one needs to climbed until they get to the top, which is perfection, utopia, or what have you. But then what happens? What do you do with perfection once it's attained? Is it just a holding pattern, this long plateau of blissful tedium after the climb upwards? I don't think so, because I think that perfectability is a limitless concept. In other words, possibilities are endless. Really. Again, not enough space here to go into this, and I could ramble on about this forever (because after all, there are no limits, right?) Just think about it.
-I've learned to accept who I am. I almost typed the word "role" in there, but I think that's a poor word choice. "Role" implies some sort of limits or a too-narrow attempt at defining a person. What I'm saying is that I've learned to accept my strengths, accept my weaknesses, and at the same time not by limited by either.
-I have no use for drugs or alcohol. Although I've never really been into either, I've always wavered from making a firm statement on it. Now I'm not afraid to.
Of course there are more nuggets of "wisdom" that I could spew out, but I'll give it a rest for now. It's a beautiful night, and it's the last one before work and summer classes start, so we damn well better enjoy it.

Means to what end?

Tonight, everything feels unfinished. The sparse raindrops falling outside should be a shower, but they're not. The 7-11 coffee I just downed was weak. The air seems a bit too cold for mid-spring. On that note, the spring itself hasn't matured yet, though the cherry blossoms have fallen away. One paper still has yet to be finished before my semester is done. Important forms for my study abroad due Friday still haven't been sent out. Goodbyes and final conversations have yet to occur, and are too abrupt and casual when they do. I still have to go through three more summer classes.
And then, I ask myself what I'm expecting. A movie? Life isn't a movie. Things don't work themselves out into a perfect circle right before the last scene cuts. A lot of people say "live life with no regrets, so that you don't look back and wish you had done something." Huh? Is that at all realistic? Does there come a point when we're supposed to say, "I've done everything I've wanted...I suppose it's time to wait for death..."?
It's so hard to accept the fact that there are no resolutions, when all is said and done. And it's sort of a relief, too. We'll never be bored or finished. There will always be something to yearn for.

Whoa! What happened?

Seeing as how I barely managed to balance schoolwork this semester, it was pretty much a given that keeping up a blog wouldn't happen. But now that I've pretty much made it through the semester alive, perhaps I'll start the venerable blog up again.
I actually went dancing tonight. Of course when referring to me, "dancing" is usually a euphemism for "flailing in an epileptic manner." Whatever, it was fun and I needed to get out.
Aside from that, a quick outline of the semester:
People - Through a combination of tabling and facebooking, I've definitely met quite a few interesting people this semester. It's so funny how truly quirky people are. But this is not meant to disparage anyone at all...I've truly been grateful for the chance to meet so many new faces. As far as facing down my own social anxieties and bitterness, this semester has undoubtedly been a huge turning point.
Alternative Spring Break to Cherokee - Definite a great spring break, one that beats out even the Cuba trip freshman year. About fifteen of us went down to the Cherokee reservation in the Great Smoky Mountains. We learned tons about Cherokee culture and contemporary life, did lots of hiking, and had a fantastic bonding experience. Funny how IM, e-mail and cell phones are supposed to make us all closer, yet I felt much closer to the people in my group, and humanity in general, that week than I have in a long time. A wonderful experience that I will cherish, even if it was just a week, it will echo for much longer.
Academic Misadventures - Unfortunately, all has not been smooth sailing on the academic front. Although I'm usually able to survive each semester cheerfully tightrope walking over the abyss, this semester my machinery just broke down, resulting in late papers, missed classes, and what will undoubtedly be a hammering for my GPA. Hopefully the summer classes will lift my grades back up. It may be senioritis, distraction, or just a heavier courseload, but it was a bit frightening to realize that I could no longer rely on myself to somehow get things done when they needed to be done.
India in the Fall - A while ago, it occurred to me that there was nothing holding me back for spending a bonafide semester abroad. Since freshman year I've been so enthusiastic about studying abroad, and yet the summer classes in Egypt were the closest thing I had to an actual term abroad. So I decided to jump on my whims and apply to SIT's India program, and I was accepted before it filled up! Now if I can get medical forms and what not in on time, I should be jetting off to the subcontinent come September. The best part is, since it'll be my last semester, I can hang around indefinitely after the program is over. In all likelihood I'll come running back the last week of December, but if I can find volunteer opportunities, who knows. Rajasthan has a bunch of NGOs working there, the Himalaya areas where the Tibetan population lives also has opportunities, and of course there is tsunami-ravaged Tamil Nadu. Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty.
And who knows what else. But first I need to finish the semester. And more immediately, I need to get to bed. It's good to be back.