I've lost my voice
I haven't updated this since before I've been home. I also haven't touched my writing journal thingie since I've been home either. I made one abortive attempt to write in it that didn't really go anywhere.
Rhode Island just swallowed me up this time. I managed to come here and escape during Thanksgiving break relatively unscathed, but I've just sort of been in a hole this entire break. No motivation to read or write. I just pace around, spend hours online, and sit on my bed. I keep taking longer and longer drives too. Last summer I would just take long routes home from friends' houses. Now I don't even find an excuse to leave the house. Last night I just hopped in the car at 1 in the morning and started driving. I put on "Taking Tiger Mountain" and went down Breakneck Hill, down rt. 123 to rt. 1A in North Attleboro Mass, and then followed 1A to rt...ok, this isn't important. How about this. I drove under countless spidery tree branches and past barren snow covered fields, past empty strip malls and shopping plazas. I followed winding roads through industrial backyards and urban three story houses huddled on dusty street corners. I drove down empty highways all the way to Norton, Mass, and then back again, through many more dark roads. And nothing happen.
I used to take these long drives hoping for some sort of serendipity, that somewhere on a dark road would be some profound insight or revelation that would lead to happiness, confidence, or self-realization. The closest I came was during Thanksgiving break, when I took a long drive like this. There was no grand epiphany during the drive; what made it such a nice drive was just a general feeling of well-being after I got out of the car. It was the first time I'd felt that good in a while. I guess that's how I felt last night/this morning too. But I realized that it was just sort of an urge to escape that got me in the car. I just go stir-crazy here at home, in this state, and in the absence of anything better I'll do whatever it takes to just get my mind in motion and prevent myself from becoming an emotional basket-case, even if it means driving around to nowhere.
I have a lot to say, and my thoughts are very fractured. I'm ending this post for now.
Rhode Island just swallowed me up this time. I managed to come here and escape during Thanksgiving break relatively unscathed, but I've just sort of been in a hole this entire break. No motivation to read or write. I just pace around, spend hours online, and sit on my bed. I keep taking longer and longer drives too. Last summer I would just take long routes home from friends' houses. Now I don't even find an excuse to leave the house. Last night I just hopped in the car at 1 in the morning and started driving. I put on "Taking Tiger Mountain" and went down Breakneck Hill, down rt. 123 to rt. 1A in North Attleboro Mass, and then followed 1A to rt...ok, this isn't important. How about this. I drove under countless spidery tree branches and past barren snow covered fields, past empty strip malls and shopping plazas. I followed winding roads through industrial backyards and urban three story houses huddled on dusty street corners. I drove down empty highways all the way to Norton, Mass, and then back again, through many more dark roads. And nothing happen.
I used to take these long drives hoping for some sort of serendipity, that somewhere on a dark road would be some profound insight or revelation that would lead to happiness, confidence, or self-realization. The closest I came was during Thanksgiving break, when I took a long drive like this. There was no grand epiphany during the drive; what made it such a nice drive was just a general feeling of well-being after I got out of the car. It was the first time I'd felt that good in a while. I guess that's how I felt last night/this morning too. But I realized that it was just sort of an urge to escape that got me in the car. I just go stir-crazy here at home, in this state, and in the absence of anything better I'll do whatever it takes to just get my mind in motion and prevent myself from becoming an emotional basket-case, even if it means driving around to nowhere.
I have a lot to say, and my thoughts are very fractured. I'm ending this post for now.
posted by Justin @ 6:55 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home