Home-sick
I can't concentrate at all. Nothing new of course, but I really don't want to be up all night again.
I keep thinking about going home in less than a week. I'm honestly just tired of it. It seems like such a terrible thing to say, such a slap in the face to all my family and friends who have always been there. It's just too hard. I can't really describe what it's like to be in college down here, to feel joy, pain, hope, longing, fear, desperation, confident, and any other emotion you can think of, to have beliefs and ideas flowering and spinning around you every day, and then go home to a place that never grows, never decays, only stagnates. It's not happy or sad going back to Rhode Island, it's not relieving and comforting and familiar, it's not painful and annoying and trauamatic, it's just indifferent. There is nothing that emenates any longer from the houses and pot-holed roads and familiar sights that I've seen so many days of my life. They're just there.
I don't understand how people can live their whole lives in the same town that they were born. I don't understand how people can even live for 20 or 40 years in the same place. And I don't understand how people can go to college and work in the city and do any number of exciting things and then decide to move to a "quiet" place like Lincoln. I don't think it's good for the human mind or heart. People were meant to pen themselves up like animals. And people weren't meant to squeeze themselves into places that they've grown too big for.
I keep thinking about going home in less than a week. I'm honestly just tired of it. It seems like such a terrible thing to say, such a slap in the face to all my family and friends who have always been there. It's just too hard. I can't really describe what it's like to be in college down here, to feel joy, pain, hope, longing, fear, desperation, confident, and any other emotion you can think of, to have beliefs and ideas flowering and spinning around you every day, and then go home to a place that never grows, never decays, only stagnates. It's not happy or sad going back to Rhode Island, it's not relieving and comforting and familiar, it's not painful and annoying and trauamatic, it's just indifferent. There is nothing that emenates any longer from the houses and pot-holed roads and familiar sights that I've seen so many days of my life. They're just there.
I don't understand how people can live their whole lives in the same town that they were born. I don't understand how people can even live for 20 or 40 years in the same place. And I don't understand how people can go to college and work in the city and do any number of exciting things and then decide to move to a "quiet" place like Lincoln. I don't think it's good for the human mind or heart. People were meant to pen themselves up like animals. And people weren't meant to squeeze themselves into places that they've grown too big for.
posted by Justin @ 2:48 AM
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