Somebody please give these poor morons a football team and a morphine shot.

Breasts are flashing, fire alarms are ringing, broomsticks are smoldering, and the moon cowers behind shadows and clouds as an ever growing group of disaffected upper-middle class youths swarm beside the Letts-Anderson complex. And then the charge begins: like a strange cross between the running of the bulls, Animal House, and an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial, throngs of AU students run screaming through the AU premises. Signposts, trashcans, pandas, and other pernicious representations of The Man are half-heartedly toppled like a thousand miniature Saddam statues. The crowd soon finds its way to the main quad, a small cadre of testosterone-charged young men scrambles on top of the benches, shushes the crowd, and lets each member take turns delivering soulful monologues to the audience below, such as:
Guy: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Woooooooooooo!!! Fuck the curse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the Red Sox!!!! Go Boston!!!!! I'm from Florida!!!!
Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!"
Guy #2: "I knew they could do it!!!! And when I'm 40 years old, drinking three shots of whiskey every morning, whoring my life away in an office to some organization, and punching strangers that I meet in bars, I know I'm gonna look back and this will be the most amazing night of my life!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RED SOX!!!!!
Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guy #3: Yeah man!!! Fuck public safety!!! Fuck the police!!! No one tells us what to do, except for the beer commercials!!!!
Crowd: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guy #4: Wooooooo!!!! I drank beer!!! And pushed stuff over!!! And set stuff on fire!!! And I saw breasts!!! That won't happen again for a while!!! This is fucking awesome!!! ....what's this about someone winning a baseball game now?"
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so on, and so forth. I'm not sure if they're still out there, the last time I looked there was still a fairly large gathering out on the quad and a more reserved audience of confused international students and disinterested Public Safety Officers peering at the spectacle from behind a sea of cell phone cameras.
I'd like to think something truly profound happened tonight. Maybe, in that brief orgy of contrived vandalism, sexual pseudo-liberation, and alcohol fueled joy that won't have to be put on a resume, we at AU discovered a sense of community and purpose. Maybe the entire student body united and gave birth to some true sense of campus community as we celebrated the Red Sox victory.
Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm nodding. And I'm going to keep nodding. Because it's true. Right? Of course it's true. No doubt. Yup. Something amazing happened tonight. Uh huh.
Go Red Sox.